Sunday, 6 December 2009StudyOk, my mum is being such an idiot again.Last night i told her that i will not make it to medical school anymore because of my extremely bad Sem 1 results. I got 2.13, hence even if i get 4 for the rest of the Sems, which is not likely to come true, i would only get a maximum of 3.6 at the end of poly, which is only applicable for science courses. Then she goes on blabbering about she never seen me study before at home and i never work hard and all that crap. i study in the wee hours of the night therefore she can't see me studying and with all that studies and CCA and other events to juggle i try to make time for family where i won't do any studying and accompany her for some time. And then now she is accusing me of not studying. I studied ok ? i really did and the syllabus is REALLY hard in Stage A ! There are far more chapters and there is AP Chem , which i am really bad at, and then the maths teacher teaches like shit and the BI is hard to me while the A&P is really huge mem work that i have not tried before. So what the hell is wrong ? i think looking at i am quite relieved that i actually managed to live through all that hell. And then she AlWAYS i really mean ALWAYS, all the way from the day i was born she had been doing this : when the results come out bad she scolds me, and then when the results come out good, she will say 'i never see u study u still can get this kinda grade, its just that u're lucky'. So no matter what i do, its just luck or anything. And then she didn't discipline or remind me or encourage me to study, meaning she did not participate in any sections of my life that has anything that has got to do with studying, and now she say that i don't do well. You, know, its like the Chem teacher teaches you chem and u fail chem and then the maths teacher comes along scolding u that u didn't study at all and u're lazy. Like what hell is that going to do with the maths teacher ? I will never forget that i had a buddy in pri sch, called Xin Yi, she's a sweet little innocent quiet girl that is gentle and smart. Her mum give her plenty of assignments and encourages her to study and she did better than me in pri sch. And then we go home together and do all the things little girls did together. Then my mum would always scold me whenever the results come out, saying that she got better grades than me, she is prettier than me, she is more gentle than me, she is so sweet and petite and loving while she can just irk at the sight of me. YES she said that ok, i'll never forget one night she said "ni zhen de hen tao yan!" while i was crying and all. Then the years go by and she doesn't really help me in my homework and then i struggled by myself and one day we went through PSLE. And u know what ? I got better grades than her. She did badly and when to ShuQun Sec while i went HuaYi, and i believe u have heard of the notorious ShuQun. I was overjoyed, not because i get to go to HY, which i didn't want to go at all, i wanted some other sch, which i forgot what, but it is the fact that i triumph. I went home, telling my mum the fact that i got better grades than Xin Yi, guess what ? 'So what if you get better than her ? You must compare yourself to people better than you like blah blah blah (some better ppl lah huh, like Xin Yi's brother, who went RiverValley). You compare yourself to ppl that are worse than you so what ? like this you'll never improve you know.' That was what she gave me. DAMN FUCKED UP RIGHT ? Then i emphsized that i got BETTER GRADES THAN XINYI and then she just keep quiet, or repeat her speech above. She has NEVER gave me a word of encouragement this whole life i think she won't too. I thought she would improve with the help of religion but then, its all the same. So she was saying that its all because i don't work hard so i can't go to medical school, (and anyways, its just a dream for me, i didn't see it coming true and even if it comes true she can't afford to let me study for a whole damn bloody 6 years with $4000 every Sem, which boils down to $48000 at the end of the whole thing.she doesn't have the money.) and then i told her that it was IMPOSSIBLE to improve 3.6, because its the MAXIMUM that i can go. Its fixed, if anybody who is reading this can know how to pull it up further please tell me. then she continued saying that if i work hard then i can do it, if i work harder than i can do it. She doesn't know a single thing and who is she to criticise me ? She didn't even finish her primary school and she wants me to do this and do that and to accomplish this and to accomplish that ? And then yesterday she came running and said She : i want you to decorate the living room for the wedding, so i leave this whole thing to you. I : i can't She: why cannot ? I : I don't know how to. She : Why you don't know how to ? I : You didn't nuture me with areas in art and interior design. She : Why this kinda thing need to nuture one ? not born one meh ? I : You didn't send me to design classes nor did you born me a genius in art, So what you are doing now is sitting a kid who doesn't know the piano in front of one and telling him to play whilst he never learnt, and then reprimanding him that he doesn't know the piano. And anyway, Mademosielle, you didn't give birth to a genius, nor made the effort to nuture one so DO NOT ASSUME that i came to this world knowing everything on earth and stop treating your daughter as if she's some all rounder genius. AND THEN reprimanding her for not knowing this things. If you do not sow, you do not reap. You did not bring me up like other rich kids do with all that piano, ballet, swimming, golf, etiquette, polo, horse-riding courses and now you expect me to know all that ? I would love to learn music as i'm really sick of the conductor telling me that i don't know music and its sickening. I would love to learn ballet because i will be more graceful, with less slouching, and become more flexible. And i would love to learn all that but did you give me an oppotunity ? NO. And anyway the living room is way too awful to decorate. I would want to throw all the furniture away and get new ones and then remove the tile and get paraque flooring and then repaint the walls. Do you, Mademosielle, want to do that ? And yesterday that sickening father of mine barged into my conversion with my future sister in law, saying that at night i on the light at the living room and the light reflects off the tile and goes into his room through the space at the bottom of the door and disturb his sleep. Another lunatic after my mum. I am leading such a hard life. I should applaude myself for living till now. And then he say he is going to buy a lamp for me and i say i don't want, because the living room is cluttered enough for this kinda things and its not neccesary. Its not that i am feeling bad for the fact that he had to fork out money but all this is just to create a fiasco to attract attention for him and not the fact that he cared for me or anything. And its his money, not mine, so why should i feel sad ? He has emptied all his CPF to buy stocks so if anything happens to him, I don't give a damn. *smiles* And then he blabbers on, using vulgar on my mum's name, and then scolding me that i'm just like my mum, like to on lights at night (don't u only lights at night when its dark?). And then when HE CARES FOR ME (which is like fucking shit u're just trying to get attention while i'm just a little part in your play) i give him that kinda attitude (which i am not giving, i just give a flat face) and don't appreciate his actions. FUCK OFF U ASSHOLE, I AM NOT A FUCKING CHESS PIECE ON YOUR BOARD. Then he walks away while i turn to my future sister in law, saying that of course i'm like my mum like duh she gave birth to me. Then he "HUH ? WHAT U SAY ?" then i "OF COURSE I'M LIKE HER LAH SHE GAVE BIRTH TO ME LEH, OR ELSE LIKE WHO ? LIKE U MEH ?" kannina. then this morning i see the table lamp on the side table. i work on the coffeetable and u expect me to bend the lamp all the way to the coffeetable or shift it there ? Tons of wires you know ? So now, whosoever is reading this, do you think that i lead a human-like life ? i think i'm living on the edge where everyday is like war. And the best thing that could happen to me ? Is that he dies. posted by gabrielleteng at 11:02 0 Comments:Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom] |
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